Duality strikes !!!

Just one of those days when I really have nothing to do - no chores, no assignments, no readings - simply nothing to worry about. And when there's nothing to do, reality kicks in and you have time for yourself and solely yourself. Without any promises to keep, any deadlines to meet. Life now seems dual to me. I am confused about everything. Confused would not be the appropriate choice of words though, I just am not able to decide on what it is I am to do and what not to. What seems perfectly normal to me a second ago now seems like it is something I have never seen, something out-worldly. And it never fails to amaze me as to how everything changes in just a blink of an eye. My thoughts contradict each other so often, I helplessly watch it happen and just let it go for I know I have no control over them. I can control my mind, but you know how there are seven voices talking inside you at the same time and you just don't know which one is correct - like when you want to do something and then the voices inside you start speaking up about the good, the bad, the ugly, the ignored, the facts, the results, the consequences and the illusions we have about the very one thing. And none of those voices are clear enough to tell me what it is I need to do. They all try to out-do each other and keep throwing words at you, all at the same time and you just can't help but wonder if your sanity still prevails or has been shadowed by a cloud of craziness. Life it seems is playing a game with me and I won't deny, I have loved every little amazement life has offered - every scar it has made on me, every smile it has put on my face, every tear it has made me shed, every laughter it has made me echo, every memory it has stored in me, every moment it has let me see.

As you take your steps to leave,
I stand here, looking at you go
There is nothing I can do,
I don't want you anymore....

You turn your back on me
I am glad I can still see you.
Its strange this day had to come
I am thrilled to have had you....

All the dreams I saw were hollow
All you showed me were dreams,
a tear I shed, a smile struggles
as I take a stroll down the memory lane....

I no more dream of you
neither do I wish for you,
I no more see the light
as the darkness engulfs me....

I am now used to solidarity
I, now, head for wilderness,
for.....
calmness is too strong to withstand,
darkness is glowing,
silence too loud, and dreams too surreal....
truth coaxed me, faith betrayed me
I lived me....I fooled me....
Hopes no more drive me
Life I no more chase.
I know its easy to escape
death seems weak,so into it I stare.

There's just so much I want to do,
a little more I wish to see.....
And I am worried it'll never be,
I am afraid you'll never see !!!

And just as I am lost in this world I have created for myself, reality strikes me and I realize that all I see is only what I want it to be and has nothing to do with reality and that I must get back to living amongst the mortals, I am one too..and I would not have it any other way !!!