Duality strikes !!!

Just one of those days when I really have nothing to do - no chores, no assignments, no readings - simply nothing to worry about. And when there's nothing to do, reality kicks in and you have time for yourself and solely yourself. Without any promises to keep, any deadlines to meet. Life now seems dual to me. I am confused about everything. Confused would not be the appropriate choice of words though, I just am not able to decide on what it is I am to do and what not to. What seems perfectly normal to me a second ago now seems like it is something I have never seen, something out-worldly. And it never fails to amaze me as to how everything changes in just a blink of an eye. My thoughts contradict each other so often, I helplessly watch it happen and just let it go for I know I have no control over them. I can control my mind, but you know how there are seven voices talking inside you at the same time and you just don't know which one is correct - like when you want to do something and then the voices inside you start speaking up about the good, the bad, the ugly, the ignored, the facts, the results, the consequences and the illusions we have about the very one thing. And none of those voices are clear enough to tell me what it is I need to do. They all try to out-do each other and keep throwing words at you, all at the same time and you just can't help but wonder if your sanity still prevails or has been shadowed by a cloud of craziness. Life it seems is playing a game with me and I won't deny, I have loved every little amazement life has offered - every scar it has made on me, every smile it has put on my face, every tear it has made me shed, every laughter it has made me echo, every memory it has stored in me, every moment it has let me see.

As you take your steps to leave,
I stand here, looking at you go
There is nothing I can do,
I don't want you anymore....

You turn your back on me
I am glad I can still see you.
Its strange this day had to come
I am thrilled to have had you....

All the dreams I saw were hollow
All you showed me were dreams,
a tear I shed, a smile struggles
as I take a stroll down the memory lane....

I no more dream of you
neither do I wish for you,
I no more see the light
as the darkness engulfs me....

I am now used to solidarity
I, now, head for wilderness,
for.....
calmness is too strong to withstand,
darkness is glowing,
silence too loud, and dreams too surreal....
truth coaxed me, faith betrayed me
I lived me....I fooled me....
Hopes no more drive me
Life I no more chase.
I know its easy to escape
death seems weak,so into it I stare.

There's just so much I want to do,
a little more I wish to see.....
And I am worried it'll never be,
I am afraid you'll never see !!!

And just as I am lost in this world I have created for myself, reality strikes me and I realize that all I see is only what I want it to be and has nothing to do with reality and that I must get back to living amongst the mortals, I am one too..and I would not have it any other way !!!

Burned one down !!!

So, there always comes a phase in someone's life when they want to desert everything and just disappear for a while... no cell, no internet, no messengers or face book... away from everything, just lost doing something for the sake of no one but only themselves... selfishness? not really..more of a personal choice... freewill that we talk about so much but fail to implement... you know you should try it... not disappearing, but exercising your freewill... my desires nowno longer exceed my capabilities.. I have an understanding now of what I want, not in terms of what I want from life or the society or an individual...but as in what I want right now... and because my numerous desires are contradicting to each other, I know it will be a while, a pretty long while, before I reach a conclusion... and I am in no rush to get there.. I just want to do nothing for a while... nothing as in NOTHING... not even think or breathe or see or wonder... I know its not possible...and may be it is only a figure of speech..but if its only possible in words, I'd like to do it in words alone...even if only in alphabets... I have always been amazed by people and their assurance of what they will do in the time unseen, future... as in how clear they are of what they want from time and life and everything in between... kudos to them for having everything figured out... someday, I might join you in your league too..but I am in no rush.. or I am not even inclined towards that now... all I want to do now is NOTHING... if only in terms of typos and thoughts... Yes, I want to succeed..and yes, I will... even if to the minimalist of possibilities, I shall foresee my existence... and like one guy said: "Success in not gained by an impulse...but by a pile of little things bead together to reach the destination"..and while you may already be five-steps ahead...I am content with my quest of little adventures and tiny dreams... dream on, for you shall achieve it one day... Yes, you will !!!

My life, my rules !!!

Well, its just not fair how the society judges you and makes its perception of you without even knowing who you are, you and me alike.... Its just not right when you have to do things the way they expect you to irrespective of your personal desires, and after you do something, hover around for their approval.When I do not judge them for their actions, I expect the same for me too. But you know how the society is... always trying to intervene into your way of life and forcing you to change your way of life so as to shape it as per their idea of how you should live. It just amusing and sickening at the same time when someone tells you that this is how it should be and not that way... Its not that I am against others criticize me when I am wrong( I would be glad if someone did correct me), but not when someone dictates you the terms of life... I am done with this confined contemporary society and all the psycho-socials living in it... I am no more concerned about what it says about me, what it thinks of me, and how it expects me to act... I state my terms, I do things my way..no more your way or the highway either.. If you and I were to let things just be and not bother about how everything else is, life would be so much more better... Just a thought... you have the right to think as you choose... and that would not bother me in anyways, as per se... but yes, "we could change the world, with our own two hands.. make it a brighter place, with our own two hands" - Ben Harper.. if only we all tried !!!